I want you She's so Heavy
by Queued-for-deletion
Summary: Carly loves Sam and she'd do anything for her, even bail her out of jail. But now that she's out, Sam's starting to feel the weight of reality on her shoulders, how will she deal with her heavy heart? Sam/Carly ROMANCE-ish. Disclaimer:I own the plot only.
1. Chapter 1

Okay so this is my first story that isn't about Kingdom hearts or any other fandoms like it, so be nice! Also, if any information is wrong I apologize, but I don't exactly watch iCarly. I just write fanfiction.

Enjoy.

I could feel her anger burning holes through the walls as she dragged me out of the police station and into her tiny electric green hybrid, shoving me into the passenger's seat before shuffling over to the driver's seat.

We drove to her house in silence.

-

"Are you going to talk to me or am I free to go?" I asked, suiting up with a tiny smile as she paced around her kitchen and ran her thin fingers through her choppy black hair.

She huffed and stared me down, closing in on me before turning away.

"What the hell, Sam? I can't keep doing this for you; I'm not made out of money." She said like I didn't know.

"I don't remember asking you to bail me out, Carly." She spun around to eye me again, this time with disbelief there instead of confusion and despair.

"Excuse me? What the fuck did you think I was going to do when you called me? Have a parade?" I kind of hoped so. I knew I'd been shit to her, I'd done nothing for her but bring her down and yet time after time she came back and helped me through everything.

"I don't know." I turned away, ready to just get out of her life but she grabbed my arm before I could leave.

She shook her head and searched me perilously, her dark brown eyes quavering in the dim light of her kitchenette as she let me go.

"Are you just going to leave now?" she asked, and her voice gave it away. I floundered for a response and I settled on just shrugging; hoping the indirect approach was the way to go.

"I guess so. I'll pay you back when I can, Carls." I gave her a little salute as I turned away and trekked towards the door to leave her once and for all.

She didn't even stop me.

--

I had no plan, no idea how to get home, hell I didn't have a home to go to. I'd fucked up this time, and they'd taken my house as payment for the damages, taken every penny out of my bank account for reparations and left me with the clothes on my back as consolation.

I kicked at the ground outside her loft and made my way towards the stocky elevator before digging around my pocket for any change I had.

I had thirty cents. I couldn't even catch a bus.

I cursed under my breath and backed up against the wall, sliding down it as the tears fell without warning and reduced me to a pathetic heap of desperation in the middle of the dimly lit hallway.

This was the first time in years I'd actually wanted to kill myself, but I couldn't even afford to do that.

-

I didn't know what to do, I couldn't go beg Carly to let me in, I couldn't do that to her, but I had no where else to go.

I got in the elevator and took it down, walking out of her building and into the crisp night air without a plan.

I strolled down the street, it must've been at least 2 a.m., and I cursed myself against for waking her, disturbing her, for doing anything to her. I'm still surprised she came, that she bailed me out, that she didn't hang up the phone after my first words.

I didn't let it get to my head, though. She's just too damn nice for her own good, that's all.

--

I walked all the way across town to the battered women's shelter and begged them to let me stay the night; fortunately for me they had space and weren't too stingy with their policies so I got a warm bed and split before they had a chance to kick me out.

I thanked them and took off before they could get any information on me and walked around town trying to figure out what I was going to do.

Every thought kept coming back to Carly, Carly's right _there,_ Carly will help me; but Carly let me leave in the first place. Carly doesn't want me there, and I don't want her to want me there.

I met a couple of girls busking along 5th avenue and I grinned and dropped my thirty cents into their empty guitar case before passing them by. If I was going to be broke I wanted to have at least one good deed under my belt.

They thanked me and gave me a flower, one of the many stuck in odd places in their waist length hair, and smiled before turning to the next person who gave them a whole dollar.

I tried not to let it get to me.

-

I walked around town until my feet got sore and I had to take a break. I took a seat on a park bench, not willing to deal with any people inside stores.

I tried to collect my thoughts and form a plan, but the throbbing in my heels was doing a damn good job of distracting me from my thoughts. I glanced around and tried to find my bearings but apparently Seattle's changed since I was here last, I didn't recognize any of the stores or the buildings.

I didn't think twice about leaving after high school but I'm starting to wish I did, at least I wouldn't be in this deep of a hole.

"Excuse me miss, could you get that for me?" I snapped out of my thoughts and turned to face a scruffy looking man who was juggling at least ten things in his arms and definitely didn't have room for more.

I smiled and obliged, leaning over to pick up the little wire sculpture before settling it on the heap in his arms and waved him off as he thanked me and went.

I sighed as the throbbing in my feet disappeared completely, leaving me with no choice but to keep walking around until I could find another place to stay.

--

I didn't miss the rain. I didn't miss the way it soaked me to the bone and left me even more vulnerable than normal, I didn't like the way it kept me inside for long periods of time and I didn't like the way it made me feel.

This time, however, I had no choice but to trek in it, and since I had no umbrella and no money to buy one I was pretty much screwed in the health department.

I coughed and sniffled a little as a pseudo cold decided to pay me a little visit, and I was forced to duck inside a terminal to escape the worst of it. I shivered and wrung my hair out, much to the dismay of the people around me but I paid them no attention.

I kept close to the door and watched the clouds roll wave after wave of rain over the city and drench the ground until it was gasping for air. I cursed under my breath and debated whether or not to just push through it and keep walking or stay inside and lose daylight.

I was knocked out of my thoughts once again by a tap on my shoulder which forced me to turn and plaster a fake smile on my face for whoever it was.

"…Sam?" Fuck. I felt the tiny smile die when my eyes landed to the rich suit and shiny shoes on the last person I wanted to see.

"…Freddie? Hey…" His surprise soon turned sour once he looked me over and drew his hand back before settling it back into his pocket.

I resisted the urge to crawl in on myself and disappear for a while, since I was a big girl and I couldn't make my problems go away by avoiding them.

"I haven't seen you since graduation; how are you?" He asked unusually polite and courteous for the Freddie I knew in high school, considering how I treated him.

I shrugged and I could've sworn I saw the tiniest quiver of his lip that would've turned into a smile if he didn't wipe it off.

"Same old same old. And you? I mean, the suit…'s nice." He smirked at my half compliment and looked himself over before shrugging and rolling on the ball of his feet.

I gave him the eyebrow and he broke into a smile and beamed at me before digging into one of his pockets and pulling out a business card.

CEO. Eh? Good for him.

"Damn, how can I get a job like this?" He shrugged and glanced around a bit before the awkward silence settled in. I knew how he got this job, he's a fucking genius.

And I also knew I'd never get a job like this, he knew it too but politely let it be.

"So you moved to Cali, right? How's the sun there?" I smiled a bit before digging through my mental file cabinet for a lie to present to him and couldn't find one.

"It's pretty nice. The people suck though." He chuckled at that and pulled up his sleeve to check his watch before cursing under his breath loud enough for me to hear.

"It was nice seeing you again, Sam, but I really have to go, fuck." He said grabbing his leather briefcase before heading off in some random direction, leaving me alone with my thoughts and the rain.

I sighed inwardly and turned back around to watch the clouds ruin my day.

-

I tried to think of a plan and walk through the rain drenched streets but came up short. Before I knew it I was walking down a familiar path. I picked up speed and nearly ran when I got to the complex, hoping to god the name was still there, and it was.

I buzzed it and waited impatiently for the reply through the fuzzy electronic system.

"Hello?" I grinned and buzzed again, this time to speak.

"Spencer?" I didn't have to say anything else as he buzzed me in and I didn't waste time with the bulky elevator and ran up the stairs.

I might've misjudged myself, but at least I made it up there period. Spencer was there waiting for me with a mixing bowl in one hand and the door in the other, I smiled and didn't ask questions.

--

"So how was California?" He asked, mixing the green stuff in the bowl. I shrugged and took a seat on the sofa that was exactly where it's always been, keeping to myself as Spencer walked over to the kitchen and set his bowl down.

"You know Carly was devastated when you left. I'm kind of wondering why you're here now." He said and I didn't expect that from him, not in a million years.

"Spencer you knew I had to get out of here." He looked me over, but he knew. He didn't say anything about it and dropped the subject.

"Have you seen Carly yet?" He asked, strolling over to the couch to sit on the opposite side of me. I tried not to let it get to me.

"…yeah." I said, calculating his reaction as he stared me down just like Carly.

"I know, Sam. I know everything, because I'm the one who gave her $2,500 dollars to help bail you out, what the fuck were you thinking?" I never think; he should know this by now.

I shrugged and turned away from him but her got closer and grabbed my shoulder.

"No, Sam, I want to know what the hell was going through your mind when you called Carly." I got up off the couch but he tugged me right back down. "Why do you keep hurting her, Sam? Why do you think you can just drag her along like a fucking pet to use at your own amusement? Just please tell me why you think you can treat her like that?"

I shrugged my shoulder out of his grip and started for the door but he was quick to stand and spin me around.

"She loves you, Sam. Why…are you doing this to her?" I shrugged and I swore he would've hit me if he were anyone else. I tried my best to stay out of her life as of late but that's proving to be a lot harder than I thought.

"I don't know, Spencer." He huffed before turning me loose, walking away and back towards his damn mixing bowl and just left me there.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and wrapped my arms around myself in a useless attempt to keep myself from shaking.

"Do you really…think she loves me?" He glanced up at me before scoffing again and I couldn't take it.

"What do you think, Sam." He said and I tore myself away from the room and marched ruthlessly towards the door before slamming it behind me.

I didn't mean to collapse into a fit of tears on the way down.

-

Carly didn't answer when I paged her from outside of her complex, but thankfully a woman was moving in and let me squeeze in right by her without question. I thanked her and jogged up the stairs to Carly's suite, trying to run through my list of apologies but finding nothing sincere about any of them.

I knocked on her wrought iron door, hoping she could hear it, and eventually gave up for just banging on it relentlessly until it creaked open and a shell of a woman answered it.

"…Sam. What are you doing here?" I pushed past her, which probably wasn't the smartest thing to do but I wasn't exactly known for my Nobel Prize winning ideas.

"Carly we need to talk…" I said as she closed the door behind me and sniffled a little before wiping the old tears from her rich brown eyes. I felt my heart flutter as she sunk into the couch and I slogged over to plop down right next to her.

"If it's about the money don't worry about it, Sam." She said as she held her gaze in her hands, refusing to look up to me and speak to me.

I was stuck. I gasped for words like a fish drowning in air and when she finally did work up the strength too look over at me I stopped thinking. I leaned forward and grabbed her face in my hands before kissing her careworn lips a little too hard, but I didn't exactly have control over my body at this point.

It took her a total of five seconds before she started kissing back, but she kept her hands to herself and I didn't let that bother me. Not too much, anyway.

She finally pulled away and stared me straight in the eyes and searched for something. She looked and looked and it always seemed like she was looking for something in me, but she never found it.

"I love you, Carly." I whispered after a bit. I didn't look her in the eyes, it was the least I could do for her while she gathered her thoughts and decided whether or not she still loved me enough to return the favor.

"I love you too, Sam, but. I can't keep doing this." She said and I nodded, wanting nothing more than to just make her smile. I reached out for her hand and held it in mine, but she didn't grip back.

"…So you're not even going to give it a shot?" I asked and she shrugged; it was her turn to be speechless. I didn't want to force her into anything she didn't want to do, not after I stole $5,000 from her and Spencer.

I couldn't do that to her.

"Okay. Just let me know when you do." And I left it at that. I dropped her hand and I stood up before making my way to the door.

I couldn't help but give her one last glance before I left, and she was trying so hard to keep herself composed and I couldn't bare to see her like that.

I willed myself to look away and walk out the door, leaving Carly and Seattle behind for good.


	2. Don't Leave me alone

I know this is short, but I couldn't leave it alone!

There's more to this, I'll be posting a part two soon but I'll warn you now, it's smutty. Don't like, don't read.

I deserved it; I deserved to walk out of her life and never see her again because why should I get her?

I tried not to think about it as I sulked over to the elevator; my body didn't seem to have the energy for stairs right now.

"Sam." I stopped, I almost thought my mind was playing tricks on me, that she wasn't actually there in her doorway, possibly staring me down, but she was.

I turned around to face her tear-stained eyes bearing down on me, piercing mine like butter.

I looked away.

"Don't you dare leave me, Sam. I can't…I can't be with you now but god help me if you leave I'll never give you a chance." I stopped breathing for a bit.

"Carly-" I couldn't think of anything to say. I couldn't think of a reason why I needed to leave her now, why I needed to go back to California, why I needed to do anything but be with her.

"Sam I love you so much, but I'm not _ready_; not now. Just—promise me you'll stay?" She gave up on staring me down; instead she found that her own feet were much more interesting than me.

I wanted to, god did I want to stay here and just be here. But I didn't have a place here; I had nothing.

"I can't, I don't…have anywhere to go." She rolled her eyes and huffed, dragging her interesting feet over to me, pulling me down for a tight squeeze before letting me go.

"Then stay with me, Sam."

-


	3. With out you I'm nothing

Hey, sorry this took so long! Damned school and all...  
So here it is, I hope you enjoy it. I do think it's a bit rushed, so tell me what YOU the READER think!  
Disclaimer: As if it wasn't already obvious, I don't own the likeness if Sam or Carly, or iCarly, or anything but the sex I wrote.

I couldn't sleep. My mind wouldn't shut off when my body was so ready for anything but rest, and I'm sure she knew that by now.

I turned again. I tossed and twisted up in the sheets, feeling the urge curl up inside me, tugging the sweat out of my body and onto the sheets.

"Sam, what the hell?" She croaked from her side of the bed; she didn't even look over to me. I sighed and tried to stay still enough for her to fall back sleep but the longer I laid there the more wound up I got.

"Sam seriously, stop it. It's like, three in the morning." I groaned, wiping the sweat off my brows before shucking the sheets off in an attempt to keep the heat radiating from my body off of me.

"Fuck." There was no way I was getting back to sleep. I cursed once again, sitting up in place before tugging my tee over my head. It didn't help.

"Fuck, Carly." She turned a quarter turn upon hearing her name and the milky blue tint the moonlight gave her face was more than enough to drive me over the edge. "I need you now."

She turned over completely, giving me this disbelieving look as I climbed over to straddle her hips before leaning down to break the ice.

She tasted even better now than she ever has, her lips split under mine and out came a shy and sleepy tongue, a tongue that battled and lost against mine, a tongue that I wanted inside of me more than anything.

The kiss turned sloppy as she fell back to sleep, her face finally leaving mine completely as it drooped in a sleep stupor.

"Carly, wake up." I tried shaking her out of it, but settled for nibbling at her neck, hoping my teeth were just enough to wake her up for this.

It worked.

She moaned still half asleep and shifted underneath me, pulling her arms from under my thighs up to wrap around my waist.

"What do you want, Sam?" She said in a dead voice as her fingers inched up my back before tackling the task at hand—getting my bra off. I grinned against her neck and trailed kisses back up to her mouth.

"I think you know, Carly…" I exhaled into her ear, making a shiver run down her back. I smiled and sat back to tug at the sheets and gown she insisted on sleeping in. I pulled the starchy white sheets up by her legs and slid the shimmery material up her thighs and over her head, revealing her in all of her glory.

"…Right now?" she asked; now fully awake and eyeing the clock. I groaned in response and leant down to capture a pert nipple in my lips, sucking and nipping it lightly until her shifting beneath me became whines and gasps.

I pinched the other in my other hand before switching and giving the right one the same attention, making her arch up under me.

"S-Sam…" she breathed before reaching up to tangle her fingers in my golden locks, toying with the curls before grabbing on hard to tug me away as she caught her breath.

"Slow it down, kay?" I nodded, leaning back down to press kisses down between both mounds, making sure to lick every inch of skin I could find on my way down to my prize.

She was beautiful above and below deck; her neat trim enticed me just as much as her whimpers and moans. I kissed her lips, feeling the wetness spread underneath me at my previous actions.

I licked a long stripe up between them, tasting her salty tang on my tongue that was sweeter than any other girl I've had by a long shot.

"Fuck, Sam." She groaned and I grinned before pulling her apart with my fingers, dipping in between every fold and crevice before diving into her, feeling her hot heat close around me instantly.

"Relax, Carls." She nodded and groped blindly by her side for my hand, which I gave, and squeezed it tightly, feeling a bit overwhelmed I suppose. Not that I blame her.

I poked and prodded her again, this time she tensed up before relaxing ever so slightly, letting her in with little resistance. I pried her as open as I could with one hand and dug in even further, making her breath hitch in her throat.

I hadn't even started yet. I brought my free hand to my mouth, pulling out only to lick my fingers before diving back in. I pressed two up to her swollen clit, rubbing methodically, just hard enough for her to really feel it.

I swear I'd never heard her scream so hard in my life. She gripped my hand in hers and clutched the back of my head with her other, pulling me closer as if that could bring her more pleasure. She was sort of right.

I started pushing harder on her, rubbing frantically and thrusting in an out of her before curling my tongue inside of her, making her writhe and twist on the bed below me.

"Sam S-Sam, fuck…" She gasped and panted and could barely contain herself as moans and whimpers dribbled out of her mouth uncontrollably. She never looked more beautiful than when she lost control and let go inhibited by nothing.

I gave her a few more strokes and thrusts before she was coming hard, clenching around me and twitching and throbbing hard against my fingers as her body rode the intense waves of pleasure.

"S-Sam, god…I, fuck—I love you Sam." She groaned and I smiled as I licked her clean before climbing back up her body to press tender kisses to her abused lips.

"Yeah?" She stared at me through half-lidded eyes, so far gone that she could barely register the hand of hers that slid down my body.

I leant over to capture her lips as her nimble fingers rubbed between my lips, spreading the hot, hot heat around before dipping her finger inside to test.

When I stayed loose around her, she poked another in alongside it, stretching and scissoring them both inside of me and my back curled at the feeling.

But she drug her fingers out, instead she took to rubbing the slick digits over my full clit, making my breath catch as her sleepy smile grew into a sleepy smirk.

She didn't hold back, rubbing me as hard and as fast as she could, filling me with even more want than before.

"God, Carls…" I moaned into her lips as she kept me in place with one hand and abused my clit in the other.

I came in five minutes flat, feeling the pent up frustration drive me to the edge fast as her delicious fingers pushed and pulled me into the best orgasm of my life.

"Fuck…" I groaned against her lips as she drug her fingers up my body, leaving a trail up me before taking her fingers into her mouth and sucking them dry "Jesus I fucking love you, Carly."

She grinned, taking her hand out to bring my head down for her to kiss before she pushed me off to the side settled into her side. "I love you too, babe. Just…fuck."

I grinned, pulling the sheet up above our shoulders before draping an arm around her warm middle, feeling her heart beat still race under my touch. I curled into her, pressing kisses into her neck just the way she likes, before drifting off into a heavy, sated sleep knowing tomorrow, there was nowhere we needed to go.


	4. Once Things Look Up

I'm going to get hell for this, but this is the end. I am not gong to do anything else with this plot because school and my other projects have sucked the creativity from me. I will probably be writing more for iCarly, but with no relation to this particular plot. Sorry if you're angry/disgruntled/indifferent but I write for me, an if other people happen to like it that's cool.

She wouldn't talk to me. I tried to get her to open up, to pry apart her expertly built wall but she wouldn't and I couldn't.

I almost cursed her for her resilience, but I let it go. If she wanted to be unhappy then fine, she can be unhappy.

-

I can't live like this. She's five feet from me and I have no idea what's on her mind, where she's been, or what she'd going to do in any stretch of time in the future. It scared me, enough to snap her out of it with a question.

"Are you bored with me?" She lazily glanced up from her book, and I had my answer. I didn't even listen to her calculated response, her body said it all. "You are, Carly. Don't try to deny it—"

She looked a bit startled, like she wasn't thinking the same thing, like she didn't think about how little time we had left.

"I know, Sam." She gave in and set her book down on the table before scooting over to me to lace her fingers with mine, in a pitiful attempt to comfort me. It did jack squat for me, but I guess it made _her_ feel better since she was trying.

"So what do we do?" we both knew; by the time the words left my mouth I knew exactly what we had to do.

"I think you know, Sam." She spoke barely above a whisper, and I nodded because it had been set in stone long before now, before we had the courage to think about it.

I loved her. I loved her and I didn't want to leave—I couldn't; but it was the only option I had, both of us really.

I detached my hand from hers and trekked to the bedroom to pack. She didn't even try to stop me this time, and that stuck with me the entire trip back to California. She didn't want me anymore; she couldn't even be bothered to muster up any emotion period.

I tried not to let it get to me.


End file.
